This is the second in or series of four articles on the theme of The Holidays, Spirit and Me
Uh oh, It’s Majick
Whispurring Pussy (Joe)
I remember when it was magic…
The time of year for which days were marked off the calendar. There were two of these times-of-year. Summer break and Christmas. Now I’m not talking about the Twelve Days of Christmas countdown. This was different. As I sit here today, I can honestly say that I do not know what other little boys got excited about around Christmas. Perhaps watching football games with their dads. Perhaps going hunting with their dads. None of that for me. For me, the countdown was to the day my mom and I pulled out the boxes of Christmas decorations and began turning our mundane living room into a magic kingdom.
As time pushed me into the realm of puberty and eventually adulthood, I found a bitterness for the Holidays. Oh, the magic is gone. During this time, I often found myself depressed and feeling very alone. I now know it was, in part, bi-polar depression. I was also struggling with the self-acceptance of being a gay man. During this time, I dreaded the Holidays. I longed for a way to escape, a way remove myself from life for two months or so. I hated seeing family during this time. I felt guilty for not feeling happy. I began to resent the Holidays.
I began the process of coming out as a gay man in my thirties. I experienced anger from family members for coming out. I was told I was selfish for coming out, that I was being influenced by the devil. Holidays became even more difficult. There were times I refused to visit family during the Holidays.
[pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]And with this new-found self-appreciation, I have found, dare I say it, happiness. Happiness within myself.[/pullquote]
Today, my bi-polar depression is well managed, thanks to those fine folks at Pfizer pharmaceuticals. And with lots and lots of therapy, I am downright happy to be gay. I am gay in every sense of the word. I am 51 years old and have the highest sense of completeness that I have ever had. And with this new-found self-appreciation, I have found, dare I say it, happiness. Happiness within myself.
I no longer dread the Holidays. I find joy in celebrating the Holidays with my family of choice. I now spend time with my biological family without dread. Though some of them continue to struggle with my being gay, I now know that struggle is theirs and not mine. I have begun to regain a sense of wonderment, a sense of hope.
If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is.
In mid-December, Whispurring Pussy will be vacationing with Santa in Key West for some last minute naughtiness. Upon his return, Whispurr plans to spend the Holidays with family and friends lapping up vast quantities of Egg Nog while watching his favorite Holiday classics ‘Home for the Holidays’ and ‘Sordid Lives’.